So many people are searching for companionship because they feel something is missing in their lives. They think that bringing another person into their space will fill that feeling of dissatisfaction and apparent solitude. They say “I’m looking for my other half” the logic being that when the “other half” is found dissatisfaction and emotional issues will evaporate. Many don’t realize this is not a good starting point for a long term relationship.
News flash. No one wants to be with half of a person. If you feel like you are half a person, it is time to start searching for personal wholeness. Satisfaction does not come from another person. It comes from within. Find out what gives you joy and incorporate more of it into your life. Everyone has at least one activity that makes them feel energized after doing it, an activity where time disappears, creative energy is constructively channeled, and there is great satisfaction in the end product. If you feel stuck, find out where the block is and work to become unstuck. Don’t project your issues on to others or think someone else will solve it for you. Half a person comes off as needy and so dependent that it’s uncomfortable for the other person.
Those who feel something is missing often have many wants and make unreasonable demands. These wants eat away and consume their seed of happiness. On the other hand, just being, living in the moment, not wishing for anything past or future can be a beautiful experience. Beingness, and its companions not-holding-on and acceptance, allows the seed of happiness to grow and expand, thereby producing a feeling of fullness.
If you are whole unto yourself then you will attract another whole person and your relationship will be wholesome. You will know you can survive just fine without the other, but its way more fun to be together. It doesn’t mean that you should live apart or lead separate lives. Rather that you are together but not so dependent that you look to another person for every little thing, including self-validation.
I have had two periods of long separation from Reid. The first was when he was at sea for two years and I was in New York single handedly raising a baby boy. Though he told me he was coming back for us, I waited for him not sure if we would have a relationship when and if he returned. I had to rely on my own inner strength, but I hadn’t found a sense of wholeness yet. The second time, Reid left for eight months to put the boat to work. That was when I realized some parts of me had been put aside to be with him and it didn’t have to be that way anymore. When I blew the dust off of my independent creative aspects which had been shoved into a dark corner, partly out of necessity, I felt like a much happier me.
Reid saw this change when he returned and he loved it. There was no stuffing the genii back into the bottle so I was glad he embraced it. But why was I surprised in the first place? The more whole and in their own power a person is, the more they radiate an ineffable energy that is endlessly fascinating.
Being without my partner has taught me many lessons. Besides a first-hand experience of being a single mom, I also found that I am not a half of a person. I am a whole person already. I can exist without a man. Yes, all you ladies looking for the perfect man, reconsider you desperate search. You might be able to do very well on your own without compromising parts of yourself until the time is ripe for you to find the right companion. All you married couples who think you can’t live without your spouse, think again. It is possible and that quality does not in any way nullify your relationship. It just makes it better when both partners have a good communication with their own souls as well as with each other. Two half people make one whole, which is okay, but it will most likely result in a short-lived relationship whereas two whole people will have a longer, more satisfying, and extraordinary relationship.
Written by Soanya Ahmad
Photo by Reid Stowe